I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!
by Lady Anatui
Summary: JPLE, SBLE. Lily Evans is not desperately in love with James Potter, but she’s certainly smitten with someone far more dangerous when it comes to relationships and popularity. Dedicated to Jadis.
1. Sickness

_Well, this story was inspired by my friend, Jadis, and something that happened to her. I love her to death, and this story is dedicated to her for all the wonderful things that she is._

_This story, for plot purposes, will move very slowly. The first five or six chapters will follow Lily around and explore her feelings. Her crush will not be revealed for a couple chapters, but I'll update quickly at first because I've already written the first six chapters of the story. Please don't be dismayed, though, because it will move along faster after that, and the Marauders will actually be in it. Sorry that they aren't for a while._

_Anatui_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter. I do own Nicolette, David, Annabel, and Wendy, all of whom represent real people. For those that actually care (those very few of you), Annabel represents me, and Lily represents Jadis._

* * *

1. Sickness

"Lily, just forget about him. He's just an arrogant prick," growled her best friend.

Despite telling Nicolette all about her feelings for one of the most popular boys at Hogwarts, Lily Evans still didn't feel any better. It was the strangest feeling she'd ever felt in the world—the same one she had when she knew she was doing something wrong but there wasn't anything she could do about it. She couldn't describe it as anything but the sickness.

"I know he is, Cole," she murmured as she slowly sat up and pushed away the covers from her cozy body, "but that doesn't change anything."

"All the more reason to say it. He's a bastard."

Lily laughed at the irony. James had mentioned before that the victim of her slight infatuation was indeed disowned. "He is," she agreed.

"Who is it this time?" came another voice from the doorway. Both Lily and Nicolette looked up at the owner of the voice, a girl named Julia Meyer, the most popular girl in the school. "Not James again, I hope." Also a friend to the Marauders and girlfriend of Sirius Black.

"Of course not," Lily replied curtly. "James is my friend, too, you know, and a fellow Head. I wouldn't call him a bastard."

Meyer shrugged as she shut the door behind her and moved to her bed. "If you say so, Evans."

Lily tried to stop her, but Nicolette was too fast. "What is that supposed to mean?!" she cried angrily.

"It's not like it's a secret that Evans has never liked James since the day they met. I still don't understand how he got you to agree to be his friend."

"We're colleagues now," insisted Lily. "He's not a bigheaded prat anymore."

Meyer raised an eyebrow questioningly. "He's the same person he was before, Evans, so don't try to lie about it." She paused as Nicolette snorted and then continued. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go spend time with my boyfriend," and she picked up her robes from her bed and exited the dormitory.

Nicolette huffed and settled down on her best friend's bed beside her. "He is the same person, you know," she said quietly, "but people do change… yet they remain the same people they were before. It's really an amazing process, don't you think? He's more responsible, but he's still James Potter."

"I know who he is," she snapped, scowling.

"Gosh, Lily, you don't need to be angry with me," responded Nicolette. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know you are," signed Lily. "This is just so frustrating. I'm trying to think things through—and talking with you definitely helped—but it's still so confusing."

"Why do we ever even like boys anyway?" her best friend reasoned. "They're not really good for anything."

She took a deep breath before speaking quietly. "I'm so glad we have our winter break now. I really want to get away from him and the rest of the Marauders and Julia Meyer."

"Oh, she's such a slut. Ignore her."

"I try, but this is just too much to handle now. I'm so tired of it all. I need to think, I really do."

"Well, we're going home tomorrow, so you can think then, can't you?"

"Yeah, I'll be able to think some time over the break. I really don't know what I'll do about it, though. Telling him would be such a waste. It's just a stupid crush anyway."

"Right," nodded Nicolette. "He's very hot, but he's a little lacking in the correct emotional state of mind for any proper, long, meaningful relationship. Besides, every girl has to have a crush on him sometime—hell, even a couple guys have, I'm sure. I bet even James Potter has had a crush on him at some point."

Lily sent her friend a strange look. "They're best friends. Why in the world would he have a crush on his best mate? Cole, your mind works in the weirdest ways, you know that?"

"Oh, I definitely know that, Lily. And you love me for it."

"Well, yeah, but I'd love you even if it didn't work in the weirdest ways."

"I know. Isn't it fun?"

Lily laughed and stood up. "I think it's time to get up finally, you silly girl."

"Yeah, I am rather silly," she admitted with a small shrug.


	2. Weakness

2. Weakness

When the Evanses reached their home from the train station, Lily was very relieved, but the sickness was still hiding in the pit of her stomach. She just couldn't seem to push it out. It seemed like it would be there for the rest of her life.

Lily dragged her suitcase up the stairs and into her bedroom where she left it still packed. What was the sense in unpacking when she was leaving again in two weeks? It was rather pointless. It would all be taken out gradually as the days passed.

She didn't feel like going downstairs, though. Petunia was home, and she was making a fit about magic again. Later that night, she would be going out on a date with her boyfriend, a large man by the name of Vernon Dursley, and, then, Lily would be able to spend time with her parents.

She didn't understand who could possibly want to be her sister's boyfriend. Petunia was a snotty, bratty girl with a really long neck. Maybe the Dursley boy would freak out after a while of time spent with her and leave the girl alone.

Lily almost wished for that to happen. She knew she was angry with her sister, but it did feel wrong to wish loneliness upon anyone. If there was one thing that she truly feared, it was loneliness, even if she doubted Nicolette would ever allow her to be alone. It was still plausible that something could happen, and she probably wouldn't even recognize the fact until it was too late. It'd be very mean to wish loneliness upon anyone. She'd really hate for anyone to be alone, even her sister, with whom she was currently very angry.

But Lily was still a bit hazy on how loneliness even scared her. She didn't want to be alone, but she had never really longed for any male companion. She had always been happy with her family and Nicolette.

Boys and crushes had always appeared to be a weakness to her. Perhaps that was why she had never agreed to go out on a date with James Potter when he had continuously asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him.

She had never understood how Nicolette could talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk about boys like she did. It was rather amazing, really. She had always been the one to talk about how attractive and fun the boys were, and Lily was the one to help her get over them—_never_ the other way around.

And, yet, she had somehow developed the strangest crush ever on Sirius Black, James's best friend. She had never liked him as a friend. They had absolutely nothing in common, so there wasn't any point to it. It would never work. He would never like her in return.

Nicolette was always trying her best to console Lily now. She would say that he had to like her at least a little bit, that he was probably harboring secret affections for her. They both knew otherwise, though.

He couldn't like her—even if he wanted to—because his best friend would be angry with him. Even if James claimed that he didn't like her anymore, both Lily and Nicolette knew that he still harbored those feelings.

Lily just didn't understand how she could possibly like Sirius Black, though. She had always felt that fancying someone was a waste of time, a distraction from all the important things in life. She had always been a bit ambitious when it came to grades because she needed a lot of good grades to become a Healer like she wanted, so she had never had time for a crush. A boyfriend would just get in the way, and she couldn't waste any time on them for fear of losing all the chances she had to do what she always wanted to do: to help people.

Even if she had to like somebody, why Sirius Black? They had despised each other only a year previously, but things had changed. A lot of it had to do with James. Sirius had despised her for making his best friend upset, and she had despised him for being a prat and a cruel prankster. Now, however, they remained quiet in each other's presence to make James happy, as he was a mutual friend.

It had taken her a very long to even figure out that she had feelings for him and even longer to admit it. She had expected it to be better after that and go away like all of Nicolette's crushes, but then everything had gotten far worse.

She had been in a haze for a while, and even their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Higgins, had noticed. Lily and Nicolette had spoken together about it quietly, but it was still so horrible.

Everything had been in unison. It had been a schedule that she just couldn't break away from. She had gone to her classes and taken notes; she had eaten; she had done her homework; she had taken showers; she had slept. There hadn't been much more to it than that.

She had barely spoken to Nicolette during that time, and her best friend had gotten very annoyed because of it. After their short confrontation there, things got a little better. She had made sure that she paid more attention to her friend—it had been the only real connection to the world that she still had. But even that seemed to fade away again as time had passed.

Through all of her supposed security, Sirius Black was her one real weakness. She had always thought she'd be able to go through life without any real romantic, intimate relationship, but now she realized she did indeed long for one. That was partially what Sirius represented in her eyes—the long to love someone and be with them forever. And, therefore, he also represented her fear of loneliness if she never found that person.

And it was all driving her crazy.


	3. Inevitable

3. Inevitable

The more she thought about it, the more she knew that she had to do something about it. What could she possibly do, though? She just… she just couldn't think of anything that could do any good.

It didn't help that there were only a few days before school again. And it definitely didn't help that Petunia was having an argument with their parents about magic again. Lily could never think when they were fighting, especially since it was her fault.

So she did the only thing she could think to do: she went downstairs both to see when the argument would end and to help with all the things she knew her parents and her sister were neglecting.

There didn't appear to be an end in sight, though, and she hated to heart everything—the yelling, the screaming, the blaming. She eagerly placed her self in the kitchen, where she would make herself and meal and wash the dishes afterwards.

Perhaps the routine would help with the pain of guilt she was getting in her chest that was fervently spreading to the pits of her stomach. The sickness was returning. But she was tired of routine after routine. It was like at school before. She needed to keep away from routine.

And that's when it happened. It was all so overwhelming: the combination of the fighting and the sickness in her belly and knowing that she was doomed to be alone if she didn't do anything to prevent it. She didn't know how it happened—or even exactly _when_—but suddenly the feeling in her gut was too much. But the ache wasn't the only problem. Her head started to spin, and she could barely breathe. The air just seemed so damn thick. She just had to get away.

It was inevitable that she would break eventually. She had been longing to do so for a while but had been unable to succeed. Now she could just let her feelings loose and hopefully drain herself of the pain and possibly—very unlikely, actually—her intimate feelings for him.

Lily dropped the plate she was rinsing off in the sink, where it luckily didn't break, and turned off the water. The warmth of the water was nice and comforting, so she went to the hall closet, grabbed a towel, and marched into the bathroom as the salty tears welled up in her eyes.

Time passed quickly as she lay in the warm water. She felt much better. It hadn't taken long for her breathing to return to normal and the sickness to be put at bay. And, while she was in there, she just let it all out with her tears.

Despite her mellowed breathing, her mind was racing. She just couldn't stop thinking about everything: her family's arguments over her abilities, her feelings for Sirius Black, Nicolette's absence the previous year, her new-found friendship with Wendy Levinson and Annabel Gibson, James Potter's constant proposals, and now her friendship with him. A couple times, it got so jumbled up that she barely knew why she was upset and had absolutely no idea why she was even crying. But she just kept on crying.

The only thing she really did seem to know was that things would get better after this. She had admitted to everything and cried almost every tear her tear ducts could produce. She had gone so low that the only plausible way to go was up.

Even if she didn't really think it would be better, she knew she would do her best to make it so. And, if she failed at that, Nicolette, Wendy, Annabel, and David would make it better for her… or they would at least try their best to do so because they loved her that much.

* * *

_I know these are really short, but bear with me. They'll get longer and more interesting as the story develops. The first five chapters (or whatever else you might want to call these short things) are just developing Lily's feelings and all that stuff. The Marauders will be in the story after they go back to school, which will be a few chapters away. Please don't be discouraged!_

_Anatui_


	4. Alleviation

4. Alleviation

When Lily retreated from the bathroom a few hours after she entered it, she felt far better than she had in quite a while, but the alleviation wasn't good enough. The sickness was still present, and she just couldn't shake it away.

She entered her room to do something to distract herself and hopefully get the sickness to go away. But she had already completed all her homework. For some reason, writing on her one story didn't seem to suffice.

She wasn't really sure what to do after that because writing or homework was what she always did when she was troubled or happy or sad or _anything_. It helped her express her feelings through other people so that she didn't really have to say them all herself. But that didn't work here. She needed to put _her_ own feelings in _her_ own words like it was coming from _her_ own mouth.

So she just started to write out her feelings on her parchment, plain and simple. Somehow, her writing manifested itself in a letter directed toward Sirius.

_Dear Sirius Black,_

_This must be a strange thing for you to receive a letter from me—especially me. You probably get letters from fan girls all the time, but you've always known that I was never really a fan of yours. Well, things aren't exactly as you thought. But don't let that be a hindrance to your reading this because I really need you to for my sake._

_Things have just been so strange lately. I feel like I'm losing control over my life, like I can't choose where it's all heading. It's all so unnerving, and yet I still don't understand it all. That's a little weird, I know, because when did Lily Evans not know everything? But that doesn't matter._

_It's not just that, though. I don't really know how to explain it, but I'm not really enjoying the things I love very much anymore and I've been wondering about a lot of things I've never wondered about before._

_I've realized that there are so many things that I never knew. Everyone thinks I'm so smart, but I'm really not. I don't know anything about romance or how to survive in a world without the comforts of family and friends. I've been raised to be happy, but I was never really raised to experience sorrow or extreme stress either. Sure, tests and NEWTs are frustrating and stressful, but it's not the kind of stress that's important to live a full life. When it comes to life, I know absolutely nothing._

Lily hesitated here, not sure of how to continue from there. She found it very difficult to put all her thoughts on paper. She had never even really considered it before this very moment, but somehow it all just seemed to flow out and she had to think to make sure that every word was how she wanted it. She could already tell that it was going to be a very long letter, and she'd hate to write it all over again as her hand would be hurting for most of the night.

She almost jumped when the telephone rang downstairs, which was eerily loud in her ears. She didn't know where her parents and Petunia had disappeared to, but she suddenly realized that she didn't hear them yelling or screaming anymore. She just hoped that they were still in the house so that she didn't have to get up to pick up the telephone. She didn't want to.

She let out a sigh of relief when the ringing stopped and she heard Petunia's voice once more. She couldn't tell what was being said, but she could tell from the articulations and the general hum of the voice that it was her sister's. Hopefully nothing was wrong, but, for the moment, Lily felt like she wouldn't even care if something _was_ wrong as she was so wrapped up in the letter and explaining her feelings on the parchment.


	5. Seize the Day

5. Seize the Day

Slowly, Lily dipped her quill in the inkwell again and tried to write more, beginning a new paragraph as she did so. Without any idea where the letter was heading, she allowed her emotions to flow in a beautifully serene dance with the ink and the parchment.

_And I've become ever so very observant as of late. I've noticed things that I've never noticed before and realized that I barely know most of the people in our school, including you._

_Social statuses have hindered any way to figure out who people are, but it wasn't always that way. When we were younger, if we had really cared, we could have broken away from all of that. But we didn't care then, and most people still don't care now._

_It all adds up to the fact that I'm missing out on so many things. I'd say that it's not from lack of trying, but it is. I just feel like I haven't experienced all of the things because I'm not brave enough—and that just makes me wonder why the Sorting Hat even put me in Gryffindor. That, of course, reminds me that the Sorting Hat couldn't possibly be wrong, so I must be brave somewhere deep inside. I just have to find that part of me somehow._

_That's why I'm doing this. I'm testing myself, you see. I'm trying to be braver and stronger and more courageous both to prove to everyone that I do belong in Gryffindor and to prove to myself that I am worthy of all my friends and family and my general happiness. This is so difficult for me, but I know I have to do it because I don't think I'd be able to allow myself to fully devote myself to my loved ones and my accomplishments._

_It never bothered me before when people would make fun of me for being intelligent and having a bit of a short temper. I just didn't care what people thought because my studies and my future were the only thing that mattered to me._

_But I know now that I was wrong. I have to live in the now and for the here. I have to be able to enjoy both the comfort and the pain, both the happiness and the sorrow, both the journey's end and the struggle. If I don't know what pain really is, how can I experience true happiness?_

She could barely believe that she was writing it all in a letter to him, but she was thankful that he would never read it. But, then, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she did have to give it to him. He needed to know how she felt about him, even if it was stupid and he would never carry the same feelings for her. Besides, even if he did care for her, everyone knew that no other Marauder would ever ask her out for fear of incurring James Potter's wrath, which was not a good thing to do. Of course, even if that weren't so, she knew it would never be so.

That was why she didn't expect anything as she continued writing. She knew that no relationship would come of it. He probably wouldn't even care about it, thinking that she would just get over it eventually, which she probably would. It wasn't like she was in love with him, after all. She had never thought that it could go that far at all. She was only seventeen anyway. To fall in love as a teenager would be a rare feat indeed.

Still, he needed to know. If she didn't tell him, she might actually continue to carry the strange feelings for him for a long time—scary but possible. She certainly didn't want to like him—or anyone for that matter.

Having crushes on boys was really a waste of time, but, at the same time, she was really leading a strange life for her to not ever have any sort of intimate relationship with a boy at all. She was a teenager for Merlin's sake. While she doubted the fact that she would fall in love as a teenager, she did know that it was a time when most people allowed their hormones to at least take over a little bit to explore relationships and situations involving someone of the opposite sex.

Yet, Lily had never done such a thing. She had gone on one date and that had been in third year when they had first been able to go to Hogsmeade. Nothing had ever come of it or even happened during it, though. They had giggled and blushed and she had been happy when they had returned, but nothing more. There hadn't been any sort of romance, and she hadn't felt anything like the fantastical romance she had always envisioned. She just wanted to be swept completely away, so happy and excited that she was speechless as her knight in shining armor took away to his kingdom in the sky. What a cliché, really, but that was what she had always dreamed about, even if she knew it would never come true.

Then, she remembered a line that she had read somewhere and she believed thoroughly. With that quote in mind, she wrote another paragraph, trying her best to imagine what would happen if she did actually give the letter to him.

_Victoria Holt once said, "Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." She was correct. I want to live my life for today and never regret what happens, even if I lose all my mother and live on the streets. The only regret I'll have is that I didn't decide to do this sooner. But in the meantime, I just want to seize the moment. _Carpe Diem_, after all._

And she knew that she had to seize the day and not regret it. If she didn't tell him, she could regret it for the rest of her life, and she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to lose any chances that she could have without knowing it. Besides, she needed to overcome the sickness and all the fears that had come with it. She had to seize the day.


	6. Down

6. Down

_Well, let me assure you that this is all connected to you somehow. It would be rather pointless to write a letter to someone I hardly know about something that has absolutely nothing to do with them, and I would hate for you think that I would do that._

_So here's my confession: I fancy you, Sirius Black. Like I said before, you probably get letters all the time from girls that want to date you. I never wanted to be one of those girls, which is one of the reasons why I never went out with James. I do have a crush on you, though, but it's all because I'm a teenage girl and you're attractive. I really just can't stop—it's all right, though, because it'll go away eventually. Until then, though, I have no intention of being one of those girls that's desperately arse over elbow for you and would throw herself at your feet and beg just for one simple, lousy date, so don't you dare think I'm one of those girls._

_This is just a test for myself, as previously mentioned. It allows me to sort out every detail of my problems, to release myself from the burden of all this emotion that's been overwhelming me, to face everything that's been haunting me._

_I'm just so afraid that nothing will ever be solved because I fail to make the necessary changes to succeed and be happy and live a full life. And I just need to talk to someone about this that doesn't matter to me as much as my family and friends. It's easier—an act of cowardice, really. But it's the best way I could think of doing this, so you don't get to complain about my cowardice._

_I just need to know that I'm not alone in my fears, that someone else has them, too—someone that I'm not emotionally attached to, someone that I'm not close with, someone that leads a completely different life and believes different things from me. I just want to know that social statuses and cliques and all of that haven't completely destroyed everyone's inner beauty and soul and empathy. I need to know that all the other people that are marked as social groups are all humans, too. I don't want to be alone._

_This letter to you is just a way for me to break away from all of that, to make a step toward changing from that workaholic that everyone knows me to be to the more compassionate, understanding person that I've always hoped to be._

_All I ask of you is that you remain who you are and act as you would. You don't have to ask me out because I already know that you would never do that because of James. You don't have to be my friend or even be nice to me. You can ignore me. You can even embarrass me horribly in front of the entire school if that's what you would like to do._

_Sincerely,_

_Lily Evans_

She didn't know what she expected of him, but she knew she had to carry this out to be satisfied with herself. She felt more alleviated already.

She decided she needed to take a walk then, and so she closed up the letter after allowing it to dry and made her way out of the house. She didn't bother to tell Petunia that she was going out in order to not start another fight, so she didn't say anything. Her parents had gone out to dinner for their anniversary and would be back long after her bedtime.

Nearly an hour later, she returned to the house to watch the sun set in the west. Just as she entered, the telephone rang, and she rushed to pick it up. "Hello?" she said into the phone cautiously.

"Hey, you," came a voice she easily recognized as belonging to Annabel Gibson.

"Hey, you," she responded with a smile.

"You all right?"

Lily laughed lightly and said, "Not so much, but I'll be better."

"He getting you down again?"

"A little bit, but it's all right. I feel a lot better now than I have since before Christmas break began," she replied.

"That's great," said Annabel. "Hey, I have practically nothing to do—except write and draw and sleep and eat and snuggle and all that other good stuff I should do—so do you want to get together sometime? There can't be too much break left, and I really want to do something with somebody."

Lily grinned into the phone. "I don't know if I can. Have to talked to the others about it?"

"I talked to Davy and Cole. They both suggested going over to Cole's house and then exchanging presents at the coffee shop to appease all the crazy people that like the gross stuff—like Wendy, who I was going to call after I finished talking to you. I've been calling people in alphabetical order by first name just for the hell of it. Kind of fun. Next time, I'll do it in backwards alphabetical order by last name. Ingenious, huh?"

"You're insane," she laughed.

"Thanks. So're you up to it?"

With a small shrug that she knew Annabel couldn't see through the telephone, she said, "I dunno. I'd like to, but my parents aren't here to talk to."

"'Kay. How about this: you talk to your parents and call me back later? In the meanwhile, I can talk to Wendy about it."

"Sounds good. I'll talk to you—oh, wait! I'll need a time and day whenever I talk to my parents about it."

"Right," snickered Annabel, obviously feeling silly for forgetting about that part. "Cole talked to her parents, and they said that we could either get together there on either Thursday or Friday. Either day is good with me and my family. Dave just said that he'd work it out for whenever we chose. He'll probably completely forget."

"Knowing him," Lily agreed. "Well, I'll call you tomorrow after I talk to my mum and dad. They're out tonight so I doubt I'll be able to talk to them."

"Yeah, talk to you later. Love you, Lil."

"Love you, too, Belle," and she hung up the phone.

As she made her way back up to her bedroom, Lily couldn't help but wonder whether or not to actually give the letter to him. Sirius Black was everything she wasn't and she certainly didn't want any sort of relationship with him, but he needed to know this—_she_ needed him to know.

But she definitely couldn't give it to him. How embarrassing that would be! Besides, what would she say to him at the time? "Hi, I fancy you bunches, so please read this letter that will tell you all my deepest secrets."? Right, 'cause that would go over so well. Especially if she gave it to him in front of James Potter.

Still, there was no way around it. It had to be given to him. She could talk to Cole about it later, and she could tell the rest of them about it on Thursday or Friday. They'd do their best to understand and help—they already did that, anyway—and maybe they could find a way to give it to him. If anything, she might be able to do it with their supportive words… but she doubted even that could help.


	7. Coffee Shop

7. Coffee Shop

The coffee shop was full when Lily entered it. The other four were waiting for her there, and Nicolette and David jumped up to greet her. They both practically mauled her, and she shrieked happily as they poked and tickled her. In the background, Annabel laughed as she tried to warm her hands on Wendy's cup of coffee. Wendy sat silently beside her, picking up the cup to drink as Annabel tried to keep hold of it and failed. Nothing unusual at all.

Cole and Davy dragged her back to the table and sat her down between all four of them, where the two other girls smiled at her arrival. And, after Wendy said a quick "Hey", Annabel snapped good-naturedly, "Jeez, what took you so damn long, Lily? Cole was totally freaking out like you were dead or something. Like always." She rolled her eyes.

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "I took too long in the shower, so we had to drop off Petunia at the Dursleys first. Gods, she was complaining like, if she'd stopped, she'd never be able to complain again."

In response, Cole grinned and poked David as she said, "That's what sisters are for: complaining. Though comparing myself to Petunia is less than satisfactory." She stuck her tongue out in disgust before plopping down in her seat and taking a large drink of her coffee.

"You can say that again," agreed Annabel, being a sister herself.

"You want anything?" Wendy asked Annabel quietly, who smiled and declined the kind gesture with a small, "Maybe later."

"So, g-guys, guess what," David said excitedly, stuttering as he did so.

"What?" Lily asked, and everyone diverted their attention to the only boy in their group.

Before he could even say anything, Annabel rolled her eyes and said, "Oh no, here he goes again."

But Lily couldn't help but grin as Davy told another random story that really had nothing to do with anything. This was what she missed over the winter holidays. She missed just sitting with her friends and laughing about how silly they all were. It was her favorite part of school, anyway. They could just sit and talk in all their free time, even if they had loads and loads of schoolwork to complete. Yes, schoolwork that Cole and Davy put off until about an hour before the class, at which point they did it together (or copied off of each-other); schoolwork that Annabel always did as soon as they got it; schoolwork that Wendy did a couple nights before it was due; and, yes, definitely schoolwork that Lily put off as long as possible than stayed up the night before it was due to finish, and yet she still got an 'Outstanding' on the majority of her papers.

After David's story, Lily stood up and went over to buy herself a mango smoothie, enjoying the yellow color and, of course, the whipped cream, which would always be her favorite part. While she was waiting for Portia to make the smoothie, Cole stood up to join her, greeting her with a hug and a smile. "Hi, my Lilyflower," she said, snuggling her face right up beside her friend's.

Lily laughed and greeted, "Hullo, Cole." She turned around to face her, pulling out of her grasp despite Cole's pouting. "Hey," she said a moment later, hesitating, "I finished the letter."

Cole nodded in understanding.

"Do you think you could give it to him?"

And she smiled. "Of course, I could. He's in my Divination class. It'll be no problem."

She felt assured by her friend's words, but she was still scared. But, still, she had to do this. It had become far more important than anything else she had done, and, if she couldn't do this, how could she possibly survive with anything else? She didn't like to feel inadequate.


	8. First Day

8

8. First Day

It was the first day back from the Christmas holiday, and Lily could hardly believe that she had run out of time to prepare. But, when she decided to be honest with herself, she determined that there was no way she could ever fully prepare for it. She was still in a sort of denial, too afraid to look up and notice that he was right there in front of her. She wasn't sure if she was strong enough to do this. Which was why she had given the letter to Cole already, why she had told her to give it to him no matter what she said in the future.

She had felt sick all morning. She couldn't eat at breakfast, no matter how much she tried. Nothing tasted good; she had no appetite. As her stomach grumbled in protest, she just couldn't hold any of it down. Even her pumpkin juice made her want to gag.

None of them asked any questions, but they talked quietly amongst themselves, trying to get her attention away from letter in Cole's messenger bag. It didn't work, though, and, for the life of her, she couldn't focus on anything else. That thought almost made her feel even more ill.

As the students slowly began to trudge out of the Great Hall to their first class of the semester, Lily could barely move. She looked up at Cole as she and the others stood up, and they shared a short, meaningful look. "I'll see you in Defense, all right?" said Cole, and Lily nodded slowly.

When she looked up again, Cole was gone, along with Davy and Wendy. The only one to remain was Annabel, who smiled encouragingly at her. "Are you ready for Arithmancy?" she asked, pushing herself to her feet and walking around the end of the table to meet her.

Despite the obvious questions, it didn't seem to convey the message within the words. She felt a deeper meaning in them, and one look at Annabel showed that to be true. She wanted to shake her head and say that she wasn't ready, not for any of it, but she took in a deep breath, grabbed her bag off the floor, and said a quiet, "Yeah, I guess so."

They walked to class in mostly silence, but Lily honestly couldn't handle another moment of it. When she spoke, the words distracted her, and, as soon as she realized that, she couldn't stop speaking. The words came so easily, and, half the time, she didn't even realize what she was talking about, but she just went with it, happy to find something to put that sickness at ease, even for just a little while. And, despite everything, they laughed together, even through Arithmancy class once they arrived, no matter how frustrated the professor looked at their continual voices.

And, afterwards, when Lily entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom with whatever professor was lucky enough to last the year, she settled down into her usual seat, where Cole joined her a moment later. "Did you give it to him?" she asked worriedly.

"Of course I did," replied Cole. "He took it and put it in his bag."

She was somewhat thankful for that. Professor Gareth was notorious for reading aloud all notes discovered in his class, and it was definitely not something she wanted everyone to hear.


	9. Gryffindor Bravery

9. Gryffindor Bravery

"Do you think he even read it?" sighed Cole as the group sat in the Great Hall for a quick lunch between classes.

Lily's attention was immediately caught, but she had no idea as to how to respond to the query. "I have no idea," she shrugged, trying not to wonder about it, but curiosity easily got the better of her.

With a humph, Cole set down her muffin and said, "Well, fine, be that way. In the meanwhile, I'm going to find out," and, without another word, she was on her feet and briskly walking toward the end of the table where the Marauders always resided.

She smiled warmly at the four troublemakers and a few of their friends, taking a quick seat between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, not afraid to push her way between them. Lupin and Pettigrew, who she knew rather well through Charms class, greeted her, and she sent a short smile in their direction.

"Hullo, Sirius," she said, turning back to him quickly. "Don't mean to bother you, but I was just wondering if you ever got around to reading that note I gave you before."

His eyes darted up at her and then to her friends in the background before he responded casually, "Yeah, I did."

"Okay, great," Cole replied. "That's all I wanted to know, thanks." She was immediately up on her feet again and returning to Lily and the others, who were watching her in slight amazement.

"Well?" said Wendy when no-one else spoke.

"He said he read it," she replied nonchalantly as she returned to her seat and picked up her muffin once more.

Beside her, Lily was slightly aghast. She didn't know quite what she had expected. Well, maybe she had expected him to throw it away without ever reading it, without even considering it. But, then again, despite all the awful things the Marauders had ever done, she now knew them to be rather considerate people… with a few minor defects. Of course he had read it.

A part of her, though, had desperately wanted him not to—just a small part. Overall, she was glad that he did. No matter what he did with that knowledge, she had achieved her goal. She had shared a part of herself with him that she had never shared with anyone else, and she felt much more like a true Gryffindor having done so. There was that Gryffindor bravery she had been searching for all these years. It was amazing how easy—and yet how very, very difficult—it was to find it, hiding deep within herself. She supposed, the Sorting Hat wasn't wrong, after all, no matter how many times she had thought that it was.

Looking around the table, though, she decided, eyeing Cole, Dave, Wendy, and Annabel, that she wouldn't have been able to be so brave without them, and they truly had no idea how much they helped, Cole especially. Slowly, she reached her hand out to Cole's free one and squeezed it. "Thank you," she said quietly, sending her a wan smile.


End file.
